According to rahyafte (the missionaries and converts website):the first time I heard about Islam was when I got engaged to a Muslim man. However, he wasn’t very observant of prayers and religious duties. I was intrigued by his faith, so I began my research. My knowledge of Islam was limited to the information I had received from the media, and I didn’t have a very positive view of Islam.
See the Persian text here
Soon, I realized that Islam was much more profound than I had initially thought. I understood that everything I knew about Islam was completely wrong, but I had encountered a religion with entirely logical, beautiful, just, and miraculous beliefs. I discovered a deserving and compassionate God and a Prophet with a pure and beautiful heart.
For this reason, with just a little research, I decided to become a Muslim. I learned how to perform prayers and read the Quran. I started fasting and became more compassionate than before. I gave up alcohol and pork. I was very happy and felt ready to proclaim the Shahada.
However, challenges lay ahead. Firstly, I lost my former fiancé. He had started behaving increasingly poorly, and I couldn’t tolerate it. This left me shattered. I tried several times to find a community of friends at the mosque, but their behavior and disrespect towards me made me feel unwelcome. Their behavior hurt me deeply, and I didn’t understand the reason behind it.
I was alone and angry at God for letting these things happen to me. I was very scared and thought I couldn’t continue following Islam. For this reason, I desperately sought an excuse to abandon my beliefs. I ignored everything I had learned and left Islam behind. I uttered disrespectful words towards God and the Prophet (peace be upon him).
I turned to Christianity. I had many Christian friends, and that influenced my decision. All Muslims were like my former fiancé and the people in the mosque, while all Christians were good and kind. These were the justifications I had carved out for myself, and I lived happily as a Christian for about a year.
But once again, things took a turn. I longed for Islam. I missed the excitement and fervor of Ramadan, the challenge of learning Arabic, and most of all, the feeling of surrendering to God. I reconsidered my choice and realized that I hadn’t been fair to God and Islam. I had abandoned them because of a few ignorant individuals. I knew that if the Prophet were alive, he would certainly rebuke them. I realized that I had never truly accepted Jesus (peace be upon him) as God from the depths of my heart. I liked him, but it was truly illogical to consider him as God. I only accepted Christianity because I felt I had nowhere else to go.
For this reason, after watching a lecture about Islam, I felt the need to pray again. I performed ablution and prayed two Rak’ahs (units of prayer). Then, due to my numerous mistakes, I prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for not trusting Him and committing major sins. After a long time, I genuinely felt that I was taking steps in the right direction.
My former fiancé and his friends had said disparaging things about Shi’a Muslims. However, while watching YouTube videos, I stumbled upon a lecture by Dr. Sayyid Ammar Nakshawani. I initially wanted to stop watching, but a significant part of me urged me to continue. Even though his introductions and arguments seemed foreign to me, they were impactful, and I ended up watching more of his videos. I came across a series about misconceptions about Shi’a Muslims and realized that everything I knew was a lie.
I couldn’t believe how logical and correct the beliefs of Ahl al-Bayt were. They influenced me more than anything I had learned about Islam until then. Later, I saw a series about the Fourteen Infallibles and fell in love with learning about them. For instance, when I found out that Imam Kazem (peace be upon him) never complained to God despite enduring torture in prisons, I learned to endure my own
problems.
Learning about the fate of Lady Fatimah al-Zahra (peace be upon her) and Imam Hussein (peace be upon him) was the final piece of the puzzle in my journey toward becoming a Shi’a Muslim. I had heard the name of Imam Hussein (peace be upon him) before. It’s truly shameful to consider a martyr whom the Prophet (peace be upon him) wept for upon hearing the story of Karbala as an ordinary martyr. However, what shocked me the most were the events that took place with Lady Fatimah al-Zahra (peace be upon her). When I learned that her possessions were seized and her house was attacked, I felt ashamed for thinking that her grief was due to her passing away.
In this way, I found Islam again and feel fortunate. I don’t intend to formally change my name, but I chose the name Zainab as my spiritual name. I love her dearly, and when I hear the story of Lady Zainab (peace be upon her), I cry profoundly. I will never forget the moments of Karbala, and I want to be like her, a supporter and helper of Imam Hussein (peace be upon him), just as she was. Initially, I wanted to become a Muslim for the sake of a man, but this time, it’s solely and completely for the sake of God. All praise be to Allah.
